I struggle with disliking myself....down right hating myself. It is truly a burden....yes, I have issues! I remember, when I was a teenager and before I was a Christian I was feeling depressed. I do not know why exactly, as I look back, whether it was hormones, a particular incident or my Christless state....I just remember that I was depressed. I spoke to my mother about it, who wasn't a Christian at the time either, but I praise God that she is now! In any case, she said to me..."Why are you depressed? What do you have to be depressed about? You are smart, good-looking, you have lots of friends, you are an honours student, you have everything." Well, that was not very helpful to me at the time....nor would that be helpful to anyone else who might be depressed now and reading this.
Self-esteem is a foolish philsophy of this world. We should not esteem ourselves, we should esteem Him who is worthy of our esteem. I know that my self-worth and value comes from what Jesus Christ has done for me, what He accomplished for me and because of His love for me. Although I know this and I find comfort in the fact that Jesus Christ chose me before the foundation of the world, even though He knew what a wretched sinner I was going to be....I still struggle with hating myself.
I have said before that Christianity is a very interesting thing. Never does a person feel so good about recognizing how sinful and wretched they are....because they know that Jesus Christ died for them, inspite of their unworthiness. I praise God because although I am the most unworthy, He sent His Son to die for me personally. Jesus Christ thought of me as He died on the cross. That truth causes me to bow low and worship Him for who He is...and for what He has done for me. That is what brings me comfort.
Here is a link to the video
Who Am I? by Casting Crowns. I love it. Listen to it, watch it....it encouraged my heart and I hope it encourages yours and causes you to worship Him for for what He has done for us.
The Bishop ran across this hilarious song on http://www.godtube.com/ the other day. It strikes a chord with us because we first met on the TTC...the Toronto Transit Commission. I was taking the subway to an open air meeting and I was carrying my big, black, leather, KJV under my arm. I was newly saved for only about four months and I was a keener! He saw me and decided to approach me because he saw my bible. Well.....we were engaged in less than four months and then married in less than a year from meeting. Must have been that Big Bible!!
